Mainstream porn aggressively lacks diversity when it comes to bodies, genders, kinks, and types of relationships. This is largely due to the fact that it’s mostly still controlled by men and operating for the male gaze. 

When we’re looking toward Ethical Porn, we’re able to see a lot more diversity across all areas—from the genders and bodies we’re seeing on screen to the camera angles and actual directors, as well as the types of content we’re seeing. If you’re just using porn to get the job done, and not feeling great about using it either, you’re far less likely to spend time actually getting curious about what types of porn do what to your body, and what it is you’re seeing that is actually turning you on. 

If we’ve been using the same couple search terms for as longas we can remember when accessing mainstream porn, we probably have a routine established, or we know what will work, and that’s that. 

But, if we feel good about accessing porn because we know it’s from an ethical source, and if we see content that reflects our own experience of sexuality, our own desires, fantasies and curiosities, then we might actually feel excited about watching this content, we might feel excited by our own sexuality!

Diversity in porn is so important both so we can see ourselves in the content we’re consuming, but also so that we can come into contact with different types of sex and relationships that we might otherwise not get to explore.

If porn is always the same, it can make us feel alone if our experiences are different. A lack of diversity in porn can also limit how we explore pleasure by keeping us stuck on the same thing.

‍When we consume diversity in porn, we can actually take some time to get curious about what might be out there, and how it might feel for us. This can lead to some beautiful self discovery we might not have otherwise found. 

When we slow down the process and pay close attention to how porn is really impacting our bodies, we can learn so much about our own arousal, which can be really great information to have when we’re going into other sexual experiences, solo or partnered. It’s also really useful to use porn as this sort of inquiry into our sexuality if we’re feeling a sense of “low desire” or “low libido,” because often, really, low desire is simply low pleasure.‍

When we don’t know what we want, we struggle to desire it. 

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Getting Curious: Embodied Porn Inquiry

1. Find a space where you won’t be interrupted or walked in on, and get into a  comfortable position (either seated or laying down).
2. Open your porn platform of choice and then close your eyes.
3. Wiggle around to find your sit-bones on the surface below you, feel for the weight of your body connected to, and supported by, the surface below you.
4. Find your breath, and breathe, focusing on lengthening the exhale for 8-10 breath cycles.
5. On your last exhale, let out a big sigh or some noise, and give a little stretch of your body, or a wiggle, whatever feels useful.
6. Open your eyes again and connect back with the porn platform you’ve chosen.
7. Spend some time scrolling, and choose content that genuinely interests or excites you, content that makes you go “oooooh”. 
8. Continue to bring your awareness to your breath as you start watching, consciously breathing as the content begins to play.
9. Focus on the porn using all your senses, either imagining yourself in the scene or not, really getting curious about everything to do with the environment, the relationship between then actors, all the sounds, images,  actions, touches, words - getting curious about the entirety of the experience.
10. Notice when/if your experience of your body changes, if any sensations arise. Notice how it feels to be in your body while watching porn.
11. When/if you notice any sensations or feelings, bring your awareness fully to that experience, let it wash over you and really allow it to grow.
12. Continue watching with this intentional awareness, and notice how your arousal builds.

Using ethical porn sites that platform diversity and prioritize ethical production are beautiful routes to deepen sexual self discovery and chip away at the shame that hangs over porn consumption. When you can feel good about the porn you use, and you can do it with intention and awareness, you can discover a whole new world in your arousal and your body.

Written by Taylor Neal
‍Embodied Counsellor and Trainee Sexologist