Porn has a very specific place in most of our lives: we watch it solo for the purpose of masturbation, and then once we’ve gotten where we wanted to go, we close all tabs and delete all search history and leave no trace of what we were watching for anyone to find.
Most of us have a couple key search terms we use the majority of the time when accessing porn as well, and these are usually the things we know will do the job for us, our tried and true porn go-to’s.
Because of this, it often means we’re rarely really stopping and getting curious about what it’s doing for us, why we watch what we watch, and how our porn habits relate to the process of sexual self discovery.
Porn really isn’t all evil, and when we consume porn consciously and intentionally, it can actually be one of the best ways toward sexual self discovery.
Ethical porn refers to porn production that follows ethical practices around payment, consent, treatment, copyright, use and re-use of content, advertising, and many other areas of creating and sharing.
The mainstream porn industry has been able to maintain a free platform such as Pornhub for so long for a couple of reasons that I will summarize extremely briefly. Firstly, most actors are wildly underpaid so that the porn can be made as cheaply as possible, and the treatment of the actors, as well as the consent we see on screen, is often called into question. The content is also pretty much all recycled, meaning old footage is being re-shared consistently so that the audience always has something new to watch, without large budgets for creating new content. It’s also riddled with ads and links to external websites, which helps pay for the platform.
The ethics get called into question here because, firstly and most obviously, many actors, specifically young women, are not being paid nearly what is considered industry standard. They’re also definitely not being paid for their content to continue getting recycled over and over. There are many other reasons why mainstream free porn has controversy around its ethics, but for the sake of this blog, let’s just say there’s a lot of question marks here.
Because of this, many people feel off-put by consuming porn in general, and for some of us, the questionable ethics in porn can serve as a major turn off when we try to consume it.
Essentially, paying for porn can be a better experience because we’re supporting ethical standards, quality, and diversity. Sex work is real work and deserves recognition, with measures to protect and support those involved. Even if you never buy porn, it’s important to know what you're consuming and the conditions under which it was made.
If you’re curious about how ethical porn can lead to self discovery, just consider how every sexual experience has the potential to lead to self discovery. 💭
To engage with ethical porn in a way that leads to selfdiscovery is the same way we find self discovery in both solo and partnered sexual experiences, by tuning into our body.
If we slow down the experience of consuming porn and bring more intention and awareness to the process, we can actually learn quite a lot about where our desire is really coming from. Rather than choosing something out of habit and skipping to the part we know will get us off,
Before going straight for genital touch, how would it feel to take a moment to ground into your body and your breath, and then watch the porn you’ve selected with curiosity and awareness of the sensations you experience in your body?
* Can you notice what it actually is that’s bringing sensation or arousal? Can you feel the subtle shifts in body temperature or notice any sensations that come with watching?
* If you notice building arousal or shifts in how you feel,can you pay attention to the specific things that you’re seeing that areeliciting these responses?
* Was it what you heard, or what you saw? Was it the cameraangle, or the placement of their hands? Is it the environment they’re in? Is ittheir clothing, the toys they’re using, or is it the dynamic between thepeople?
Screenshot or save these questions the next time you watch porn and see what you can learn about the process of your arousal!
Written by Taylor Neal
Embodied Counsellor and Trainee Sexologist