Testing for sexually transmitted infections (STIs), cervical cancer screening (aka pap test), pelvic exams, and other medical appointments can feel daunting. This is especially true for folks who have had negative experiences in the past, or for queer and trans folks who might be concerned about being misgendered or facing judgement.
For a variety of reasons, putting these appointments off or avoiding them all together is common. Unfortunately, that can lead to sexual health concerns getting worse, passing on STIs accidentally, or just missing out on opportunities to ask professionals your sexual health questions!
Here’s 8 things you can consider doing to make these appointments a little comfier:
You can bring a friend or trusted family member to your appointment. Their involvement is up to you! Maybe you just need a drive or someone to wait for you in the waiting room. Maybe you’d prefer them to be with you every step of the way, and that’s cool too. Heck, in some cases you might be able to make it a two-for-one special and book an appointment for each of you on the same day!
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Prior to the exam, your healthcare practitioner (a nurse, physician, physician assistant, etc.) might ask you some questions about your sexual health, symptoms if you have them, or medical history. All the information you provide will be confidential and, if you did bring a friend, you can ask them to wait outside if you’d like to speak privately. These questions are asked to tailor your healthcare to you; however, if you’re uncomfortable with them, you don’t have to answer it, and you can ask them to skip to the next question.
Ask as many questions as you like about your exam to the practitioner. Leading up to your appointment, you might want to keep a note on your phone of questions to ask as they pop into your head. Here’s a head-start on some questions you could ask.
Common questions to ask when booking your appointment:
👉 Does your clinic have a policy on bringing friends/support people to appointments?
👉 Do you recommend taking any pain medication ahead of the appointment?
👉 Should I bring anything to the appointment(health card, other forms of ID, paperwork from other healthcare appointments, etc.)?
👉 Is your clinic accessible? (it might be a good idea to specify what accessible spaces look like for you: elevators, ramps, accessible toilets, braille on signage, etc.)
👉 Can I request a healthcare practitioner of a certain gender for my appointment?
👉 Can I request a chaperone for my appointment?(More on that in #5)
👉 Do you have experience treating Trans & Non-binary patients?
During most appointments, you will be offered a gown to change into. You can take this option and change privately if that’s what makes you most comfortable, but you can also wear outfits that are suitable and don’t require a gown. Many folks find it easier to wear dresses, long T-shirts, long hoodies, or skirts and just take off their underwear and/or trousers when the time comes.
During your exam, you can request another member of staff to be present. In the biz, this person is known as a “chaperone”. The purpose of a chaperone is to support the patient, and ensure your consent is respected. In some clinics, it is policy to have a chaperone for all ‘sensitive’ exams (typically exams which involve the genitals or bare breasts and chests). You can request the chaperone be of a specific gender.
Note that if you do bring a support person, the clinic may still want to have a separate chaperone. Some folks may be uncomfortable with a chaperone or may want to limit the number of people present for the exam. This is completely understandable, and you can refuse a chaperone. However, depending on clinic policy, you may need to seek care elsewhere. You can ask for a recommendation or referral to another location to have your exam done.
During some exams, it might be necessary for the healthcare practitioner to insert a lubricated speculum into your vagina or front hole to see internally. This can be uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t be painful. You can request a smaller speculum, more lubricant, a plastic speculum (which is generally the default anyways), or all of the above! If it would make you more comfortable, you can ask to insert the speculum yourself, or assist the practitioner in doing so (i.e. you both have a hand on it). For many folks, this is one of the more stressful parts of the appointments and inserting it yourself might help you feel more in control.
You can request that the healthcare practitioner talk you through the exam as it's happening with detail so that you’re prepared for each step. You can also ask exactly what the exam will entail before you get into it.
On the flipside, many folks prefer not to be talked to during the exam and might find it more relaxing to listen to music, a podcast, or chat with their support person instead. Both options or a middle ground between the two are okay!
If you find yourself uncomfortable during any part of the exam, you can ask to pause, slowdown, or stop entirely. You are in control here. The entire point of this appointment is to benefit you. Getting tested for STIs, screening for cancer, and any other reason for this exam are certainly important, but so is your mental health. If you need to leave the appointment and come back at a later time, that’s okay. If you’re not feeling comfortable with the healthcare practitioner, you can seek another one, and that’s okay. Nothing should happen to your body without your consent.
Click here for more information on sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and their signs and symptoms, and check out this page for more information on HIV/STI testing. 💞
Written by: Annika Bey - Sex Educator and Medical Student