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Am I making the right decision? Am I self-sabotaging? How will they react? Will I break their heart? Can we still be friends - is that even a good idea?
Your friends, your family, and even social media will all try to give you conflicting advice about how to handle a breakup, but the truth is: every breakup is different. And unfortunately, although it would be much easier to let someone else do it for you, the reality is that the work of healing and learning from a breakup is something only you can do for yourself.
There are many reasons why you might feel confused about whether to end your relationship. A deep emotional attachment or shared history can make it hard to imagine life without your partner, even when things no longer feel right.
You might feel responsible for making things work, or feel a duty to protect their feelings, particularly if they’ve shared difficult experiences with you. Experts have put a name to this feeling: the sunk cost fallacy. Essentially, it describes the feeling of ‘Well, I’ve invested so much time, money, effort, and emotional vulnerability into this relationship; it would be a waste to leave it now’. In reality, this isn’t a healthy reason to stay. What matters most is whether the relationship is genuinely good for you now and in the future, not how much you’ve invested in the past.
Friends, family, or cultural expectations can also add to your confusion. You might feel pressure to stay because ending it would go against everything you’ve been taught about commitment, loyalty, or success. Unpacking these ideas takes time, but it’s worth doing.
Fear of the unknown is another factor. Even if you know this relationship isn’t what’s best for you anymore, it can be comforting to stay because you know exactly what to expect. Ending it can trigger worries about regret or not finding someone ‘as good’ as your ex. Mental health struggles like anxiety, depression, OCD, trauma, or past abuse can make trusting your emotions even harder. But here’s what your brain should really be telling you: some risks are worth taking.
First, let’s get practical. You’ll want to decide on a time and place to initiate the break-up. We’ve all heard horror stories of insensitive break-ups, so here’s a brief list of what to avoid:
Overall, the key things to remember are to be thoughtful, respectful, and prepared. Consider thinking about what you plan to say in advance. Try to focus on how you are feeling and using “I” statements. Being broken up with can feel incredibly difficult and vulnerable, and by focusing on your feelings and experiences, you can hopefully avoid the other person feeling attacked or defensive. In order to protect your feelings and theirs, it’s important to be clear and firm so that the both of you can start the healing process sooner.
It’s difficult to predict how you’ll feel after a breakup. It’s common to bounce between sad and lonely, relieved and hopeful, and even just numb. The most important thing is to let yourself feel these emotions whilst remembering to trust yourself and your decisions, rather than falling into traps of self-doubt.
Often after a breakup, it’s common for boundaries to be tested; don’t let yourself be pressured into giving more than you’re comfortable with. The relationship is over, and you’re not obliged to provide emotional support or keep having long, draining conversations. Instead, it’s important to protect your peace and stick to the decision you made.
One way to protect your emotions could be muting or blocking your ex on social media. It’s easy to forget how unnatural it is to watch the everyday life of someone who’s no longer part of yours. Ask yourself whether seeing their posts will upset you, or whether you might feel tempted to post something just to get a reaction. Breakups can bring out pettiness on both sides, and you have the power to protect yourself from that by cutting digital ties. Similarly, if they keep messaging you, blocking their number or muting them can prevent unnecessary hurt and help the both of you move on. This might also be something to consider discussing during or after the breakup – it may be best for you both to set digital boundaries around social media, texting, calling, etc. And to make that decision together, if they’re open to it.
Though they might not feel like it at the time, breakups are an opportunity to grow.
When going through a breakup, multiple studies have shown that the methods we use to deal with our experiences have a huge impact on how well we recover. Research highlights that habits like constant overthinking, also called rumination, or avoiding our feelings completely can make the healing process longer and more difficult.
On the other hand, using healthier strategies—like talking to your support system, journaling, and trying to stay positive—can boost resilience and help you move forward more smoothly. Another method is to dedicate a certain amount of time each day to thinking about your ex; once that set period is over, you commit to focusing on other things, and trying your best to move on.
Breakups also offer the opportunity to gain a better understanding of what you’re looking for in a partner: what was missing in the relationship? What was good? What do you want to look for next time, and what do you want to avoid?
Overall, the key takeaway is that facing your emotions and using positive coping strategies leads to a more manageable recovery process than trying to ignore or outrun the pain.
It's no newsflash to hear that breakups can really suck. But the truth is that life does go on after a breakup, and always for the better, because you deserve more than to stay in a relationship that isn’t right for you.
A breakup isn't a failure—it's an act of bravery. It's worth remembering that the end of a relationship doesn't erase everything that came before it. A relationship can be a huge success even if it doesn't last forever; the love was real, the growth was real, and the memories were real. The person you're leaving taught you things about yourself, showed up for you in ways that mattered, and shaped who you are today. Gratitude and grief can exist at the same time, and holding space for both is important! Relationships don’t have to be permanent to have been worthwhile - some people come into our lives for a season, and that's okay. Honouring what the relationship gave you, while still choosing to move on, is totally valid.
Written by Hannah Honey
Freelance Writer